it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
