It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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