I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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