Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
