i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
