ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
