Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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