a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
