Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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