can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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