shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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