Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
