sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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