i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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