Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
