hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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