one might say we're banned from that church
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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