Are we in a gay sports bar?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
