you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
