you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
