we're blogging at a bar
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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