We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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