yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
