It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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