i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
