You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
