Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
