my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
