I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
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Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
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Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize