I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
