im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
