My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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