We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
