Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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