now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
