Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
