question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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