am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
