what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
