I think my vagina is haunted
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
