wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
not ubering you a puppy
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
