All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
