the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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