an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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