i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
