remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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