I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
