Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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