I think I just saw someone hide a body.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
