dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
