just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
