I need help removing her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
