i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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