my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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