is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
