I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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