textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
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Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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