it's like iHOP with fire
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
