3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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