I got chris browned last night
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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