I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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