these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
