I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i will never coherently bang her
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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