You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
