There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
