i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
