Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
