i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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