I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
