I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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