Betty ford says i'm here all night
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
