why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
