I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
