Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
