Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
