$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
