Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
