his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
