I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
