We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
