I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
