My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
