Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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