They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
